Contrasts

So yesterday Roby and I went for a nice ride out in the desert. We were both quite happy because it was a cloudy day, which meant it was cooler. As my mind wandered I realized I was wearing a t- shirt from a favorite place in NYC-- The Strand Bookstore. A friend introduced me to the place many years ago and I've never been the same! This store advertises 18 MILES of books! Can you say HEAVEN??? Anyway, by now the t-shirt has lots of holes in it, but I just can't part with it-- and besides it makes a great barn shirt (can't wear it anywhere civilized!).

So Roby and I are enjoying our morning ride and I started to think about that shirt in comparison to where I was at that moment. On the one hand, the shirt represents a frenzied city with all different kinds of people, food, buildings, activities, etc. Then I took a good look around me-- nothing. Dirt, scrubby bushes, tiny animal holes, the clopclop of Roby's hooves, not a person in sight. I had to smile. Odd that I can love both the energy of New York and the solitude of the desert. How wonderful that God can use both places to grow my faith! How good is God that he uses every phase of our lives to teach us and show us more of who he is. I'm so thankful that he is the same yesterday, today and forever-- doesn't matter where I am because HE never changes. What a relief.

PS-- it began to POUR rain and we made a run for the barn (1 mile?). The rain was so hard I couldn't see and was afraid to let go of the reins to wipe the water off my face! All I could do was laugh and hope Roby would obey when I asked him to stop! He did. What a good boy.

Death and Super Glue

So this past week I went to yet another funeral. This time it was that of a sweet little eight year old who died of Leukemia. Everything was pink-- the casket, the flowers, her fingernails, her lips and the little Teddy Bear wedged into her hands. I hate viewings, but out of respect to the family and their culture, I stood there beside her and asked God to bring comfort to her sobbing parents. Then I spotted the SuperGlue that held her eye lids closed. It was almost more than I could take. It was surreal-- there are SO many things wrong with an eight year old having her eye lids closed with Super Glue; SO many things wrong with her death. My heart ached-- still does.

As I left and headed home I thought about the heart of God and how he grieves beyond anything we know. He created a perfect place, with no death, no pain-- only interaction with him. Oh, what a place! I can't imagine!! But, being humans, we took matters into our own hands and that perfect world was infected, never to be the same. Now people hate, people ignore God, eight year olds die.

God must grieve over what could have been, over what we gave up, over our self- inflicted pain. But at the same time, he knows the end of the story-- that one day everything will be restored to what he intended, that we'll be with him face to face just awestruck. He must be excited to think about the day we all go home and stay forever.

Personally I plan to look for sweet little Rachel and look into her face, wide eyed (NO SUPER GLUE!!) as she takes in God's glory. What a perfect day it will be.

Death

So on Wednesday I attended my first police department funeral. A beautiful 29 year old Phoenix officer was shot by an even younger man trying to steal a car. This officer has a sweet wife, a 2 year old daughter and a 3 week old son. Had his son not arived 3 weeks earlier than expected, this young father would've never even laid eyes on him.

The entire experience was very intense with hundreds and hundreds of officers from all around the state in attendance. Several speakers talked about this young man-- mostly his love for his family and his job. He loved being a police officer and having the opportunity to make a difference. For me, the most impressive thing was all the respect and tradition with which he was laid to rest-- the graveside ceremony. After a miles- long procession, row after row of Officers stood at attention, saluted the casket. There was the folding the flag that draped the casket and presenting it to the officer's young wife, the bagpipes, the gun salute, Taps, and most moving for me, the Last Call over the police radios, part of which was,..."Goodnight, Sir. Thank you for your service. We will miss you. Over and out."

And then we all walked away, back to our lives. Part of me wanted to SCREAM at the wrongness of it all, but of course that would be socially unacceptable. So when I got out of the police car and back to my little Chevy Aveo, I did just that-- I screamed and screamed and screamed at all the pain I've seen and felt just this week . So much wrongness in this world. So much.

One day God will make all the wrong right. Today would be great.

2 Cor.4:16-17

Jesus, draw me ever nearer
As I labor through the storm;
You have called me to this passage,
And I'll follow though I'm worn.

May this journey bring a blessing,
May I rise on wings of faith;
And at the end of my heart's testing,
With your likeness let me wake.

Jesus guide me through the tempest
Keep my spirit staid and sure;
When the midnight meets the morning,
Let me love you even more.

Let the treasures of the trial
Form within me as I go
And at the end of this long passage,
Let me leave them at your throne.

Keith Getty/ Margaret Becker

A Different Homesickness

I've been back in PA for three weeks now and have spent most of the time soaking in love from people who have known me all/ most of my life. I've had great, faith- strengthening conversations with wise and precious people and I've enjoyed two snow falls (Ok, the sledding disaster wasn't much fun, but we're starting to laugh about it by now!). Still, even with all these good things, there's been a gnawing in this tiny spot in one corner of my heart that says, "This is good, but heaven is SO much better."

I'm always trying to figure out where a good thing turns into an idol and this longing for heaven is no different. I can hear Roby Duke singing, "I shall see Him, touch His face..." and I can only cry with anticipation (not to mention crying with joy at the fact that Roby is doing just that these days!). I am eager (huge understatement) for the time when God is recognized and worshiped as he deserves. But I think I melt the two together too easily-- I want to be in heaven to be free of life on earth and all it's pain. I want be with Him, but for some wrong reasons. What I want to want is for God to receive His due glory from His creation AND I want to be one of the loud voices singing love to Him in person. Oh what a day. Oh what a (there's no adequate superlative!) day. To worship with all the dear people I've been with these last weeks at home will be (again no adequate superlative). I can't wait to see us there looking into the face of the One we love and meeting the rest of our family from across the ages.

Maybe today is the day, but if not, I will purpose to love Him as best I can just today. We'll see about tomorrow tomorrow.

Homesickness

I've got a fierce case of homesickness. I mean fierce! My heart literally aches, my body shakes, I cry without warning and I won't go into the specifics of other bodily symptoms. I miss my family, my friends, my neighborhood-- and a million other familiar things.

It's not that it's terrible here in the west valley of Arizona-- in fact, it's very beautiful. And it's warm! And there are even people here that I enjoy; people who missed me while I was away in PA over the past week. But it's just not home.

This miserable ache in my gut got me thinking about the fact that Jesus left is perfect home to come to live among people who hated him and wanted to kill him from moment one. My mind cannot compehend the love that motivated him to leave his Father's side, to come to this foreign place, to live among such unpleasant creatures, to give and give and give-- and then give the ultimate gift of his own life. He must've missed the perfection of heaven and the company of the Father and the Spirit, but love drove him. He didn't look back-- he only looked forward and I am so thankful.

"It is not the improtance of the thing, but the majesty of the Lawgiver that is to be the standard of obedience." Andrew Bonar